Respect Earners: How Any Man Can Earn the Respect He Needs To Thrive

The previous article in this two-part series covers respect busters, things that we men do to sabotage respect for ourselves, all the while demanding respect. This article outlines respect earners.

I am a married man. Celebrated 18^th anniversary in August. I'm also the father of three, including two teenagers aka tech aliens. Along the path of being hubby and dad, I have picked up some tidbits of things a man can be and do to earn the respect he needs to thrive, feel like a real man. Yep, I'm one of those typical guys, hypersensitive about getting my measure of respect. Here are some of the top respect earners I have observed and tested, though I still have my share of slip-ups.

• Dialog, not argument: Discuss rather than argue or give the silent treatment. Arguing or remaining wordless is seen as childish, stereotypically male (not worthy of respect). Discussion or dialogue says to the other person, "I am mature (regardless of my age)."
  
  
• Initiative: Take the first step to do something good. Initiative means to see what needs to be done and get it done. Propose a plan of action, before "the lady" asks or tells you what to do. Or before she reprimands you about why you haven't done it. If you wait until you're told to do this or do that, you'll soon become a errand runner, a messenger boy. No respect in that. Yes, you still get to do the work, but you don't get paid the respect, that precious male currency. The more the nagging before your doing, the less the respect. Nagging is inversely proportional to respect level.
  
  
• Authority figure: Become a moral authority, a spiritual guru in your own right. Gain spiritual knowledge that will transform you into a spiritual leader. How? If you're a Christian, read the Scriptures for spiritual education. Attend Bible study. Take notes during sermons. Learn to pray. Pray more. Pray with your lady, with your children. Hold hands and pray with them before they leave the house for school, for work. When it comes to worship attendance, on the night before your day of worship, be the one who's reminding family members, "Get your clothes ready for tomorrow. Let's go to bed early so we can be alive and fresh for worship..." Do this consistently and you will be regarded as the spiritual authority in your home. Like the priest of the house.
  
  
• Financial responsibility : If you manage money responsibly and without greed, your lady will feel secure. She'll trust you more. And that is respect. If debt has become a financial burden to the household, devise a debt freedom plan that will lead the family to debt-free living.
  
  
• Wise decider : Think thoroughly, get input, then reach a decision. And once you decide, stand firm on it, willing, ready to bear the consequences of your decision, whatever those may be. Soon your lady will trust your judgment in making important decisions. She'll see you as a wise man , which is beyond smart guy or intelligent dude.
  
  
• Tender disciplinarian : Always be loving as well as creative in disciplining a child. As a father, you'll know you've earned your wife's respect when she starts to tell her child, "I will tell your dad". And you've gained double respect if the child actually desists and behaves upon hearing that simple threat from Mom.
  
  

Keep this in mind as you mine the precious gem of respect: Keeping your respect tank full is an important part of what it takes to succeed, to be fulfilled, as a member of the male species. It is up to you to earn your share of respect. Nobody will freely give it to you or on credit.