Christian Singles: What the Bible Says About Being Single
Posted: Wednesday, February 04, 2009
by Mogama
http://www.mogama.info
It is a common thing for us to assume that a single person is missing something or missing someone. We tend to want to help the single person become complete by playing matchmaker, trying to hook them up. At other times, we pray profusely for this or that single person to find that right person. We pray for these two singles to find one another, because in our minds they would make such a nice couple. Sometimes we are just too busy running our own little eHarmony dot com, sizing singles up in order to match them up.
But in our undying zeal to see singles become couples, could we be practicing unbiblical conduct? Here is what I mean. It is true that the Bible honors marriage (Hebrews 13:4), and the Bible uses marriage as a working model of the covenant relationship between God and His people (Isaiah 54:5; Jeremiah 31:31-32; Hosea 2:2), or between Christ and the Church (Ephesians 5:22-33). Yet nowhere does the Bible ever portray being single as something less than normal or less desirable. The Bible does not speak of singles as incomplete people who need marital partners to complete them.
On the contrary, the Scriptures tend to praise singles. One way the Bible uplifts singlehood for God's people is the sheer inclusion of so many prominent Bible characters who were single for life or widowed without remarriage. Among these godly singles are Elijah, Daniel, Jeremiah, John the Baptist, Jesus, Paul and Barnabas, as well as widows like Naomi in the Book of Ruth, and Anna, the saintly woman who was 84 years of age when the Baby Jesus was dedicated in the Temple (Luke 2:36-38).
Besides parading prominent single characters, the Bible reveals some important truths about being single and godly. Let me share four of those:
1. Yahweh (God) is the Lover of the single ( Hosea 2:19-20 ). The single person can relate to God as his/her dependable Lover. God's love for the single person is always unconditional, unlike the love one may get from a typical human lover. How many singles have abandoned singlehood for marriage only to find love with all kinds of strings attached and to be disillusioned by the marital experience? If God intended for you to be single, then He alone can fill your deepest need for unconditional love. Don't reach for a substitute in another human being. Don't let your married friends fool you; marriage is often not the Paradise or panacea you think it is. Don't get me wrong; marriage can be a great life, but it has its own batch of troubles that may shock singles.
2. Celibacy is a spiritual gift. God has given some people the ability to remain single. Celibates are spiritually empowered to keep the sex drive muted or tuned down to the point where they do not strongly feel the need to gratify their sexual desire. Jesus Christ, the most famous single person ever, had the gift of celibacy, and He made it clear there were others with that spiritual gift ( Matthew 19:12 ). The Apostle Paul said he had the gift of celibacy as well ( 1 Corinthians 7:7-8 ).
There are two categories of celibates: primary and secondary. Jesus Christ was a primary celibate, because He never married or experienced sex at all, contrary to what some novelists would have us believe. Naomi and Anna, on the other hand, practiced secondary celibacy; they received the ability to refrain from sexual activity after being previously sexually active. Thus a widow or divorcee who remains single without the need to fulfill herself sexually is a secondary celibate.
Christ made it clear that a person, out of devotion to the Kingdom of God, can choose to be celibate (Matthew 19:12). In that case, such a devotee is likely to ask God for the power of celibacy, and God will grant that ability. The New Testament teaches that it is perfectly fine to desire a particular spiritual gift (1 Corinthians 12:31).
It should be strongly noted that celibacy cannot be manufactured, short of castration or some other physical operation on the sex organ. For example, religion has tried to require celibacy of priests, but priests who do not have the spiritual gift of celibacy will find other ways to meet their sexual needs, unless those sexually potent priests were castrated. Once the flame of sexual passion starts burning within the hearts of those clergymen, they may masturbate, have sex with females and father children under cover, or they may sexually molest underage children.
Those who lack the gift of celibacy, or who have not been surgically neutered, will find ways to express and fulfill themselves sexually, thus making a mockery of celibacy, and bringing shame on the name of the Savior and of His Church. It would serve the cause of the Church more nobly if singleness were an option rather than a requirement for the priesthood, so as to minimize the sex crimes committed by clergymen who lack the spiritual gift of celibacy.
3. The Bible recommends singleness. This may seem or sound strange in light of the Bible's strong support for marriage. But it's true, the Bible actually encourages a Christian to remain single, if that person has the gift of celibacy. Such a person need not force the issue of marriage just to avoid the stereotype of being single (1 Corinthians 7:1-2,8-9).
However, Christian singleness is not to be used as an option of convenience in the interest of personal space or not wanting to deal with another person within marriage. Christian singleness precludes sexual purity as a condition for the single person to please the Lord in his/her sex life. Thus singleness with sexual activity is not what the Scriptures commend. This makes singleness for Christians the exception, not the rule, since most of us are sexually driven enough to seek sexual fulfillment with others.
4. There is such a thing as The Single Advantage. The Bible teaches that the Christian single can have a singular devotion to Jesus Christ. The Christian single has an advantage over the married Christian when it comes to total focus on the things of God. This single focus on the Lord may result in greater happiness for the Christian single as compared to the married Christian who is often distracted by marital obligation and issues.
The Apostle Paul claimed to have enjoyed this advantage in his own ministry. He wrote, In all you do, I want you to be free from worry. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord's work and thinking how to please him. But a married man can't do that so well; he has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided. It is the same with a girl who marries. She faces the same problem. A girl who is not married is anxious to please the Lord in all she is and does. But a married woman must consider other things such as housekeeping and the likes and dislikes of her husband. I am saying this to help you, not to try to keep you from marrying. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few other things as possible to distract your attention from him... in my opinion she will be happier if she doesn't marry again... ( 1 Corinthians 7:32-35,40 , LVB).
It helps to understand that Paul's strong preference for the single life was due in part to the prevailing persecution, which Paul called "the present distress", being leveled against Christians at that time (1 Corinthians 7:26). Also, Paul recommended singleness due to his strong belief, at the time he wrote his first letter to the Corinthian Church, that Jesus Christ would return in his lifetime and the world would shortly come to an end. Thus he even advised married Christians to behave as if they were not married. Paul wrote, But this I say, brethren, the time is short, so that from now on even those who have wives should be as though they had none ( 1 Corinthians 7:29 , NKJV).
Without the constraints of persecution and a sense of the imminent end of the world, which Paul felt at that time, it is safe to say that the biblical basis for a Christian choosing the single life should be on the basis of celibacy, which is a spiritual gift, and because one wants to serve Jesus Christ with undivided attention.
On the contrary, the Scriptures tend to praise singles. One way the Bible uplifts singlehood for God's people is the sheer inclusion of so many prominent Bible characters who were single for life or widowed without remarriage. Among these godly singles are Elijah, Daniel, Jeremiah, John the Baptist, Jesus, Paul and Barnabas, as well as widows like Naomi in the Book of Ruth, and Anna, the saintly woman who was 84 years of age when the Baby Jesus was dedicated in the Temple (Luke 2:36-38).
Besides parading prominent single characters, the Bible reveals some important truths about being single and godly. Let me share four of those:
1. Yahweh (God) is the Lover of the single ( Hosea 2:19-20 ). The single person can relate to God as his/her dependable Lover. God's love for the single person is always unconditional, unlike the love one may get from a typical human lover. How many singles have abandoned singlehood for marriage only to find love with all kinds of strings attached and to be disillusioned by the marital experience? If God intended for you to be single, then He alone can fill your deepest need for unconditional love. Don't reach for a substitute in another human being. Don't let your married friends fool you; marriage is often not the Paradise or panacea you think it is. Don't get me wrong; marriage can be a great life, but it has its own batch of troubles that may shock singles.
2. Celibacy is a spiritual gift. God has given some people the ability to remain single. Celibates are spiritually empowered to keep the sex drive muted or tuned down to the point where they do not strongly feel the need to gratify their sexual desire. Jesus Christ, the most famous single person ever, had the gift of celibacy, and He made it clear there were others with that spiritual gift ( Matthew 19:12 ). The Apostle Paul said he had the gift of celibacy as well ( 1 Corinthians 7:7-8 ).
There are two categories of celibates: primary and secondary. Jesus Christ was a primary celibate, because He never married or experienced sex at all, contrary to what some novelists would have us believe. Naomi and Anna, on the other hand, practiced secondary celibacy; they received the ability to refrain from sexual activity after being previously sexually active. Thus a widow or divorcee who remains single without the need to fulfill herself sexually is a secondary celibate.
Christ made it clear that a person, out of devotion to the Kingdom of God, can choose to be celibate (Matthew 19:12). In that case, such a devotee is likely to ask God for the power of celibacy, and God will grant that ability. The New Testament teaches that it is perfectly fine to desire a particular spiritual gift (1 Corinthians 12:31).
It should be strongly noted that celibacy cannot be manufactured, short of castration or some other physical operation on the sex organ. For example, religion has tried to require celibacy of priests, but priests who do not have the spiritual gift of celibacy will find other ways to meet their sexual needs, unless those sexually potent priests were castrated. Once the flame of sexual passion starts burning within the hearts of those clergymen, they may masturbate, have sex with females and father children under cover, or they may sexually molest underage children.
Those who lack the gift of celibacy, or who have not been surgically neutered, will find ways to express and fulfill themselves sexually, thus making a mockery of celibacy, and bringing shame on the name of the Savior and of His Church. It would serve the cause of the Church more nobly if singleness were an option rather than a requirement for the priesthood, so as to minimize the sex crimes committed by clergymen who lack the spiritual gift of celibacy.
3. The Bible recommends singleness. This may seem or sound strange in light of the Bible's strong support for marriage. But it's true, the Bible actually encourages a Christian to remain single, if that person has the gift of celibacy. Such a person need not force the issue of marriage just to avoid the stereotype of being single (1 Corinthians 7:1-2,8-9).
However, Christian singleness is not to be used as an option of convenience in the interest of personal space or not wanting to deal with another person within marriage. Christian singleness precludes sexual purity as a condition for the single person to please the Lord in his/her sex life. Thus singleness with sexual activity is not what the Scriptures commend. This makes singleness for Christians the exception, not the rule, since most of us are sexually driven enough to seek sexual fulfillment with others.
4. There is such a thing as The Single Advantage. The Bible teaches that the Christian single can have a singular devotion to Jesus Christ. The Christian single has an advantage over the married Christian when it comes to total focus on the things of God. This single focus on the Lord may result in greater happiness for the Christian single as compared to the married Christian who is often distracted by marital obligation and issues.
The Apostle Paul claimed to have enjoyed this advantage in his own ministry. He wrote, In all you do, I want you to be free from worry. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord's work and thinking how to please him. But a married man can't do that so well; he has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided. It is the same with a girl who marries. She faces the same problem. A girl who is not married is anxious to please the Lord in all she is and does. But a married woman must consider other things such as housekeeping and the likes and dislikes of her husband. I am saying this to help you, not to try to keep you from marrying. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few other things as possible to distract your attention from him... in my opinion she will be happier if she doesn't marry again... ( 1 Corinthians 7:32-35,40 , LVB).
It helps to understand that Paul's strong preference for the single life was due in part to the prevailing persecution, which Paul called "the present distress", being leveled against Christians at that time (1 Corinthians 7:26). Also, Paul recommended singleness due to his strong belief, at the time he wrote his first letter to the Corinthian Church, that Jesus Christ would return in his lifetime and the world would shortly come to an end. Thus he even advised married Christians to behave as if they were not married. Paul wrote, But this I say, brethren, the time is short, so that from now on even those who have wives should be as though they had none ( 1 Corinthians 7:29 , NKJV).
Without the constraints of persecution and a sense of the imminent end of the world, which Paul felt at that time, it is safe to say that the biblical basis for a Christian choosing the single life should be on the basis of celibacy, which is a spiritual gift, and because one wants to serve Jesus Christ with undivided attention.
This Article has been viewed 14,958 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
More commentsPraise the Lord!!!! this is awesome for the opening of my singles conference. Mogama, it has been a pleasure reading this article. I loved it when you said, " It is a common thing to assume a single person is missing something or someone" we do that so often and the views that Paul had was excellent because marriage is not for everyone and we as Christians should leave that in the hands of God to determine and attend to those things pertatining to God. This is "AWESOME" Pastor MurphyYou're more than welcome, Pastor Murphy. May Christ bless you and your ministry to Christian singles. You are filling an important need. ~mogama~
Nice article, but what do you do if you do not have the gift of celibacy and you burn with passion? How do you overcome that, without satisfying your flesh?Take the advice of the Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:9, " but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion." Marriage was designed for the godly person to satisfy his/her sex drive. Thanks for your comment and question. ~mogama~I think that we are missing a very important fact. Marriage was not designed to only satisfy our sex drive. The bible says that when god created man and woman, he told them to be fruitful and to multiply. Marriage was from the beginning and it is the most blessed institution ever on earth. Jesus said that divorce was only allowed because of the hardness of their hearts. Over the many thousands of years men and women have gotten away from the natural state in which god created us because of sin. I know that many christians do not except this, but a lot of the early translations and interpretations of the scriptures done by many of the early church leaders, was used as a way to control the conduct, thinking and finances of the people of the church. This is still done by many so called church leaders of today. No one is perfect and we all will fall short in our service to the lord in some way. He already knows this. That's why work is not a requirement to obtain salvation. But the lord knows our hearts. Whether married or single, it depends on your love, dedication and devotion to the lord as to how much time you give to him. It doesn't have to be a spouse or someone we are dating, it can be a job or career, a child or relative that distract us from the lord. We must always keep the scriptures in its proper perspective. The lord knows our hearts and true intentions toward him.No, marriage is not all about sex, but sex is a major part of marriage. The Lord Himself does NOT minimize the role of marital sex. Instead He makes it a big deal, even a moral issue for Christians. See Hebrews 13:4 and 1 Corinthians 7:1-5.
From my experience with married couples, becoming overly spiritual to the point of undermining sexual fulfillment within marriage is a leading cause of marital conflict, even divorce among Christians. It is a huge mistake to say sex between a married couple is no big deal. Even more important, that is an unbiblical view of sex and marriage. ~mogama~So, is it our choice to get married, or does God still forbid some even if we don't have the gift of celibacy?Interesting question. I think God forbids marriage or re-marriage for those who divorce for reasons other than adultery (Matthew 5:32; 19:9) or abandonment (1 Cor. 7:15).
Mogma thank you so much for your article it was a great read! I am a married Christian but we minister to many young and not so young singles who struggle with understanding the purpose of singledom in the kingdom of God. I will definitely be encouraging them to have a read of this article. Well done, you are a very good teacher! MrsHAnd thanks so very much, MrsH, for your loving words of encouragement. I can tell from the spirit of your words that you are a true minister to the Father's precious singles within His family where you are. May He work lovingly through you. ~mogama~
Mogama, I just love this article. Thanks for sharing with us all.... Me and my husband have recently starting helping with the singles at our church. We want to be able to minister to there needs. We have a ministry expo at our church on Sunday. We have to prepare a display regarding our ministry. Please if you have any ideas that would help, let me know. Thanks, againThanks, Karen, for reading, commenting. May God bless your ministry to singles. As part of your ministry expo, you could display portraits of some of the leading singles of the Bible: display portraits of Elijah, Jeremiah, Daniel, John the Baptist, Jesus Christ, and Paul. I do pray God's success over your singles ministry. ~mogama~
thanks mogama, in my church i teach the singles and when i see your approach to the issues concerning them i feel relieved bse you can exactly state the life of a single christian biblicaly and even gave the principle of Paul the apostle.sometimes our singles don't get the right teachings,that is why they get confused on which way to go about their situations but as i have got a person like you, i know i will get more encouragement as we will share more on the of singles and soon we have a seminar of singles.
Thank u Mogama for your singles article as it really helps me with my current situation. I just ended a 5 year relationship With the father of my 3 year old daughter after years of lies,verbal abuse,deceit,very easy to anger with passion and rage, lack of finances to provide n prepare for a marriage,and recent discovery of sex offense charge,felonies,and revoked licenses that he did not inform me of. I explained to him that I've been praying about our relationship and my spirit has told me to sever it at this time. Despite the love I have for him,I'm at peace with this decision and refuse to disobey the spirit in fear of the consequence of doing so. However,he feels that God has told him I'm his wife and his friends are telling him that God didn't speak to me, God won't tell me to leave him after 5 years,and that God will only speak to him about our relationship because he is the man . What can I say to help him understand that God has spoken to me?
I take it, China, that you were married to this man? If so, I would recommend separation, not divorce at this point. During this time of separation he should receive basic, biblical marriage counseling/coaching, with a lot of praying and fasting on his part to soften his heart. Then he must totally repent before God and to you, pledging to become a moral example, to never treat you like trash again.
You should use this buffer of separation to deepen your spiritual life by reading the Bible, meditating, praying, fasting, and being actively involved in the local church. Doing so will bring you healing and wholeness from all the hurts and wounds you have incurred from this messy marriage.
When done with prayer and skill, separation can serve to not only restore the relationship but transform it into something much better, enjoyable. At least that has been my observation over these 25 years that I have been in Christian ministry, not to mention how I saw separation saved marriages in my native land of Liberia.
Mogama,
This was a great read! So insightful! I'm an active Christian, single, content, no kids, and never been married. Will be sharing this article with friends and family!
Thanks :)You're very welcome, Danielle. Thanks for sharing the article with others. ~mogma~Indeed. Wanted to share w/ my loved ones so they can let me live and leave me be :-) They need to realize that I am as content (single) as they are (married). Again, thank you! :-)
How would you ask God to grant you the gift of celibacy while you ate single but to return the desire when you marry. I am going through a season where God wants me to be single for some time. I do want to get married one day, and I know I will no longer want to be cellubate... As for Now, I need the help from God and Will power nd strength to no give in to the fleshly desire of sex.Happy New Year 2012, Fancy. You asked, "How would you ask God to grant you the gift of celibacy while you ate single but to return the desire when you marry." I recommend fasting (abstaining from food for the sake of feeding your soul on the Word and presence of God). When done properly and with with right motive, biblical fasting has the power to subdue the desires of the flesh so you can remain sexually pure until the Lord connects you with your life partner. Sexual purity is not easy, but it is possible by using spiritual tools like fasting and prayer. I do wish you the very best Heaven has for you. ~mogama~
God bless you and those around you Mogama. Thank you for your gift in writing this article. I believe all is right on with the Scripture, and this reassurance and learning of the Truth brings much peace and joy. One must listen to God; for He knows our hearts and mind (not the world). I do believe I am an exception to marriage, with the gift of celibacy, and I praise my Lord for having me recognize this gift. Thank you Mogama. May we continue to seek you LORD Jesus, in obedience to your commandments, in your love and mercy; thank you LORD Jesus.Yes, Kathy, we should celebrate the gift of celibacy that the Lord has blessed you with. May you continue to use it for the good of many and to the glory of Christ.
More comments
We want your comments! If you can read this, you don't have javascript enabled, so you can't use this comment system. Please enable javascript.