Teens Have Sex Because It Feels Good
Posted: Tuesday, January 20, 2009
by Mogama
http://www.mogama.info
If you've worked with the culturally exposed teens of our time, you know that sexually active teens are the norm. Teenagers are having sex left and right. In the classroom or bathroom of the school. In the backseat of the car. In the park. At home. On the beach. Wherever and whenever youngsters can do it, they are doing it.
So, why are teens doing it so much?
Teens have sex because they want to feel good. Sex is designed to feel good. Yes, after sexual intercourse, the teenager may feel used, guilt, shame, remorse or hatred towards the sex partner. But before any of those negative feelings, there is first that good sensation that comes with the physical act of intercourse, especially if one or both persons experience orgasm during sex.
One teenager said, "Where I live, many of my girlfriends and guy friends are involved in sex because they just to do it. When I ask them why, they usually say it makes them feel good..."
Why are teens driven towards sex in order to feel good? Well, every human being has a desire for intimacy. That's the primary search. Intimacy. When that desire for intimacy goes unmet, we feel pain. To fulfill the need for intimacy, we need to develop a meaningful relationship with another human being. But that often takes time, sometimes a long time to develop such an intimate relationship with someone else. So, like many adults do, teens take a shortcut to satisfy their desire to be intimate with another. They choose the instant-coffee option. They take the drive-through or the fast lane. They opt for microwave intimacy, which comes from fast, quick and easy sex.
Thus sex becomes the drug for the pain. How?
When we feel physical pain, we take pills to ease the hurt. In the same way, when a teen feels pain from not having her desire for intimacy fulfilled, she reaches for the "sex pill" to get instant relief. She wants some "sensory feelings" to "deaden her emotional pain". For many teens, sex becomes "the drug that momentarily delivers them emotional emptiness. It feels good."
Later, there will come "the letdown, the deepening pain, the fear, the uncertainty...", but for now, it's that feeling that counts. (Source: How to Help Your Child Say NO to Sexual Pressure, page 35)
How can an adult, parent or mentor help a teen deal more effectively with the need for intimacy, so that sex doesn't become a teen's emotional drug? It takes more than telling the teenager that sex is for real grownups. You will need to offer the teen an alternative that is fulfilling, something that will satisfy his or her emotionally and psychologically.
One great way to do that is to improve your relationship (intimacy) with the teen. A teen who finds fulfillment in a close relationship with her dad, mom, guardian or mentor is less likely to seek the feel-good drug of easy sex.
Here is one practical thing to do: Take your teen out regularly. Say once a week, one every two weeks or once a month, when you spend some quantity and quality time together, as you talk and listen to each other. Plan this regular date with your teen, so that it does not become boring. If you know teens, you know that "bored" rhyme with "hell". Keep your time together exciting, interesting. Now, you're talking.
Also, let your teen know that sex does feel good. Let the teen know that you and your spouse enjoy sex. However, let the teen know too that having sex solely to feel good turns sex into a pain pill that just masks or numbs the symptoms without healing the cause of the physical pain we're feeling. Quality relationship with another is the total package that will deliver true, lasting fulfillment for the desire for intimacy. Sex is a cheap substitute for real intimacy, because the sex high often leaves behind a low teen.
This Article has been viewed 517 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
No comments yet.We want your comments! If you can read this, you don't have javascript enabled, so you can't use this comment system. Please enable javascript.