The Virginity Test: How to Tell If Your Child Is Still a Virgin
Posted: Monday, September 22, 2008
by Mogama
http://www.mogama.info
On the way to school, Dad asked his teenage daughter, "Do you have a boyfriend yet?"
She answered, "No."
Dad asked, "Have you done the kissing thing?"
"No," she replied. "I have never kissed a boy."
Dad said, "How can you avoid the boyfriend, the sex, and the kissing, when you are so surrounded by it? It's everywhere you turn!"
She said, "But Dad. I'm not surrounded by it."
Dad said, "Don't your peers talk about those things a lot when you are together? And when you go online too?"
The daughter calmly told Dad that boys, kissing and sex were not a major topic among the teens she hangs out with at school or online.
Dad, not convinced, asked again, "Are you still a virgin?"
Almost a forbidden question, coming from an Africa-born-and-raised man. The culturally African thing to have done would be to have asked his wife to interrogate their daughter about the matter. But spending more than 17 years in the United States has helped to desensitize him to the utmost secrecy that prevails in the traditional African setting about sex talk.
There was another practical reason that prompted Dad to engage in this sex ed discussion with his daughter, who seems to be growing taller and more beautiful by the month. Daughter and Mother have not been having great conversations lately. Since the girl turned teenager over two years ago, most exchanges between her and Mom continue to be less friendly. Dad did not want this important subject to become the latest casualty of another angry exchange between the two ladies of the house.
To Dad's question, his daughter replied, "Yes, Dad, I'm still a virgin. And I intend to stay that way."
"And for how long?"
She did not answer.
Dad was kind of shocked that his daughter was not shocked by his blunt question. But Dad was relieved to hear Daughter speak with a level of confidence that made him think she was telling nothing but the truth. Her truthfulness is often suspect, based on past behavior. This is the girl that will have her mother's lipstick all over her lips, and when asked, "Did you use Mom's lipstick?", will answer, "No" with seeming confidence.
With Teenage Girl's response, the somewhat proud dad did not know exactly what to think, though. "How do I know for sure that my lovely teenager is still a virgin? Or that she's not?"
In Dad's hometown back in West Africa, he recalls that parents have a reliable way of knowing a daughter's virginity was in tact. Only mothers of the town know how to conduct the Virginity Test. The African mother does not have to take her daughter's word for it. Oh, no. She can get solid proof with an ancient test that every mother in the village is convinced has never failed once.
Now that this African dad in America wants to be sure about his daughter's abstinence status, he starts thinking if his own wife knows how to administer the Virginity Test. Even though, like him, his wife was born and raised in West Africa, he knows his wife was what you call a city girl, who is usually not familiar with the customs of traditional Africans.
The virginity thing is not something the couple has discussed before, but Dad plans to ask his wife sometime soon.
Meanwhile, for the rest of the ride to the high school, where his daughter is a sophomore, Dad and Daughter talk about the importance of keeping her virginity as a treasure to give that special person when she's done with her education. Yes, education first. Education now. Sex later. Much, much later.
Is there any guarantee that, in such a sex-crazed, sex-crave society like America, Dad's hope for his daughter's sexual restraint will be realized? Any chance his prayer will be answered? He can only hope so, or he can take his daughter to the next "True Love Waits" event at a Christian church, camp or stadium, so she can take the Abstinence Vow and wear the Abstinence Ring as evidence that she will remain a virgin until Honey Moon night. Any comfort there, since there've been too many True Love Waits vow chickens, making the ceremony look like a mocking joke?
Better yet, the next time Dad visits Africa, he may just be able to bribe one of those smart village mothers into letting him in on the Virginity Test, the sure thing. And while there he will find out if a similar test exists for sons, for boys. But for that he may have to ask the African fathers. Good luck, Dad, because African dads are so busy having sex, they've got little time to talk about it!
She answered, "No."
Dad asked, "Have you done the kissing thing?"
"No," she replied. "I have never kissed a boy."
Dad said, "How can you avoid the boyfriend, the sex, and the kissing, when you are so surrounded by it? It's everywhere you turn!"
She said, "But Dad. I'm not surrounded by it."
Dad said, "Don't your peers talk about those things a lot when you are together? And when you go online too?"
The daughter calmly told Dad that boys, kissing and sex were not a major topic among the teens she hangs out with at school or online.
Dad, not convinced, asked again, "Are you still a virgin?"
Almost a forbidden question, coming from an Africa-born-and-raised man. The culturally African thing to have done would be to have asked his wife to interrogate their daughter about the matter. But spending more than 17 years in the United States has helped to desensitize him to the utmost secrecy that prevails in the traditional African setting about sex talk.
There was another practical reason that prompted Dad to engage in this sex ed discussion with his daughter, who seems to be growing taller and more beautiful by the month. Daughter and Mother have not been having great conversations lately. Since the girl turned teenager over two years ago, most exchanges between her and Mom continue to be less friendly. Dad did not want this important subject to become the latest casualty of another angry exchange between the two ladies of the house.
To Dad's question, his daughter replied, "Yes, Dad, I'm still a virgin. And I intend to stay that way."
"And for how long?"
She did not answer.
Dad was kind of shocked that his daughter was not shocked by his blunt question. But Dad was relieved to hear Daughter speak with a level of confidence that made him think she was telling nothing but the truth. Her truthfulness is often suspect, based on past behavior. This is the girl that will have her mother's lipstick all over her lips, and when asked, "Did you use Mom's lipstick?", will answer, "No" with seeming confidence.
With Teenage Girl's response, the somewhat proud dad did not know exactly what to think, though. "How do I know for sure that my lovely teenager is still a virgin? Or that she's not?"
In Dad's hometown back in West Africa, he recalls that parents have a reliable way of knowing a daughter's virginity was in tact. Only mothers of the town know how to conduct the Virginity Test. The African mother does not have to take her daughter's word for it. Oh, no. She can get solid proof with an ancient test that every mother in the village is convinced has never failed once.
Now that this African dad in America wants to be sure about his daughter's abstinence status, he starts thinking if his own wife knows how to administer the Virginity Test. Even though, like him, his wife was born and raised in West Africa, he knows his wife was what you call a city girl, who is usually not familiar with the customs of traditional Africans.
The virginity thing is not something the couple has discussed before, but Dad plans to ask his wife sometime soon.
Meanwhile, for the rest of the ride to the high school, where his daughter is a sophomore, Dad and Daughter talk about the importance of keeping her virginity as a treasure to give that special person when she's done with her education. Yes, education first. Education now. Sex later. Much, much later.
Is there any guarantee that, in such a sex-crazed, sex-crave society like America, Dad's hope for his daughter's sexual restraint will be realized? Any chance his prayer will be answered? He can only hope so, or he can take his daughter to the next "True Love Waits" event at a Christian church, camp or stadium, so she can take the Abstinence Vow and wear the Abstinence Ring as evidence that she will remain a virgin until Honey Moon night. Any comfort there, since there've been too many True Love Waits vow chickens, making the ceremony look like a mocking joke?
Better yet, the next time Dad visits Africa, he may just be able to bribe one of those smart village mothers into letting him in on the Virginity Test, the sure thing. And while there he will find out if a similar test exists for sons, for boys. But for that he may have to ask the African fathers. Good luck, Dad, because African dads are so busy having sex, they've got little time to talk about it!
This Article has been viewed 106,047 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
More commentsI can only think of a few non-religious concerns with sex at a young age, which include: teen pregnancy, the risk of developing a habit of promiscuity that stays throughout adulthood, and increased opportunity to abuse or be abused, emotionally or physically, in such pursuits.However, correlation is not causation and you shouldn't simply condemn something based on the actions of others, let alone personal opinion or ignorance. Negative consequences come from lack of judgment or responsibility more often than anything else. I'm not going to force my son or daughter to never drive a car just because my friend died in a crash. I can't force them to ignore human nature either. I can only teach and hope that they take my advice, and if they choose to have sex, that they understand and accept the risks. Am I teaching them to be bad people? Sadly, most parents would strongly disagree with me, but a note to them, rule with an iron fist and you only teach them how to lie, and lying will lead to irresponsibility and the irony is, that's what causes the problems, not sex itself.I don't want to delve into any religious aspects of this topic.My best friend and his wife, neither of them virgins at the time, met and became lovers early in high school. They stayed together throughout college, got married afterwards, and have been happily married for 15 yearsYour comments are very logical... Responsible behavior is exactly what I advocate, and a frank and friendly conversation with my daughter is part of being a responsible parent who desires a responsible daughter. I don't expect every parent to do things my way; each of us can choose our parenting style and live with the consequences, whatever they may be. Thanks for sharing. ~mogama~I respect the various opinions shared. However, parents have the right to protect their kids and teach them in the way they should go. No harm in examining the girl for health reasons. Nothing can be done about full penetration or not. the girl needs counselling, acceptance and prayer. For the boy...well, it depends on his age. What if he was 10yo too?Thanks for your input. I share your view, except that I think my wife should be the one to check our daughter. ~mogama~
I am from Nepal ,My name is Shaiendra Shakya,still unmarried male(Birth 22/10/1981).I respect the young girl, Halle for her strong feeling that came from depth of heart .I am the same as Halle in every word and sentence,but ,I shocked knowing about the type of girls that the Halle from USA .It is very unbelievable that such a best of the best girl in character from USA .By the way ,My dear friend Halle ,how many percentage of girls as same as you are in USA ? I hope you have got a very honest and responsible husband if you are married now .Thanks, Shaiendra, for sharing your thoughts. ~mogama~
i want to know whether a girl can be pregnant without insertion???Good question. A reproductive biologist may have your answer. ~mogama~
go back to africa!!!! if teens want to have sex leave them alone!! ITS THEIR CHOICE!! let them figure it out on their own! if i were you id buy your daughter a condom or two!!Are you a parent? Do you have a value system at all? Yes, I have gone back to Africa several times, and will again. Thank you for the advice.
okay honestly, i understand where everyone is coming from on the subject, but being a parent of 3 myself, i have figured that kids are going to do what they are going to do and no matter how safe you want them to be and how everytime you look at them you still see that baby in your arms you have to let go at some point. by now most junior high and high schools have fantastic sex ed/ health classes and kids may not take the whole classroom setting seriously but they do learn from it, girls know the risks of teenage pregnancy, STI's, emotional strain. ect. and guys get that they need to treat girls right and to make sure that they are ready to have sex. you shouldnt be that worried for your kids and know that if they have a significant other they probaly arent having sex untill about 4-6 months into the relationship and the average virginity loss age is 19, if need be worry about it then but give your kid some space, let them come to you if they need help and from personal experiance with my daughter dont try to pry into their personal lives.
If my mom ever gave me that test I would feel horribly violated. I am 14. I have no intention of losing my virginity until I get married. Because at my wedding I want my wedding dress to mean something. And, I do wear my ring. Very proudly.I understand, Bayleigh. If such a test is repulsive to your culture or beliefs, that's okay. You already have the important thing down: sexual purity; responsible sexual behavior, which is becoming very rare. I do admire and respect the stance you have taken. May you have the guts to stick to it, because you will never regret doing so. Enjoy!
Sex is a great gift which we can share wit ur partner after, if we open da gift before marrage, wot can we offer to our lif partner? da used one? pls pls pls girls ad boys, pls live wit virginity, pls dnt loose it. u just ''give virginity ad take virginity'' dats da deal. ul b very happy abt it in ur life.Way to go, Raaja. We are on the same team. Enjoy life to the full-:)
~mogama~
I understand where your coming from and your worries, but lets just say she wasn't lying about being a virgin and you still decide to get her checked and find out she wasn't, I'm sure the distance that is already being built between the girl and dad and mom will grow larger and further!
Also, lets say she did have sex with one or many guys, what will you do?
I personally am a 16 year old virgin and very happy, I believe those with low self-esteem do these things to seek attention!I will extend grace to my daughter if she falls short of the standard we expect. Her Mom and I will still love her, though the incident may pain us, understandably.
It is encouraging to me that there are young people like you, who do not need sex to make them feel better about themselves. More power to you! -:)
IF you daughter grew up here in the US, she probally will feel horribly violated if you go have her tested. It shows her that you neither trust her nor respect her. If my parents would have had that done to me, I would have run away. Each person's body is their own. And FYI, I never dated nor been kissed. I am 23 years old and stil a virgin. But it is none of my parents business. That is between me, my future husband, and Jesus whether I stay pure though I do intend to stay pure til marriage.It seems, Kristina, that you must have learned somewhere from someone the importance of respecting your body in this way. I applaud you. My daughter needed to learn the same from someone; I wanted to be among the primary voices to teach her such an important virtue. Should I regret doing that?I learned from the scriptures the importance of virtue. I did not learn it from my mother nor my father. Holy Spirit teaches me in all things. Honestly, it would be a violation of trust to check your daughter out in that manner. Plus a girl can look like she isn't a virgin down there if she rides a bike the wrong way. She don't need to have sex to do that. A hymen can break from riding a bike. I am pretty sure that is what the women look for. A person is really only no longer a virgin when they have sex, and there is no sure way to tell, even a doctor can't tell. Some people even keep their hymen after sex. There is no sure way to tell. It is backwards to put your daughters worth in her virginity. It is also wrong to not trust your daughter and take her at her word. If you do not respect your child, you will provoke her to anger and make her loose all respect in her heart for you. Honest truth I would not want my mother looking at me down there unless it was absolutely necessary for my well being. Checking to see if I was still a virgin would not fall into that category. To be concerned about something so trivial with your child is not a good thing. Shouldn't you be focused on bringing her up in the ways of the Lord. Does not the scripture say if you do so the child will not stray far from the path? If you are so concerned pray! And learn to trust in God. But checking out your child that way is just wrong. I would never do so to a child unless I was concerned about a very young child and if they were sexually abused. I would not do it myself either, I would have a doctor check. That is most definately not something a parent should do to their child. It is just plain wrong.
In addition, I wouldn't be worrying about whether your daughter is having sex. If she grew up her in the US, she might have been exposed to that but more likely she been exposed to drugs and the occult. Before I came to Christ at 16, I was messing around with witchcraft in my bedroom. I had tried wiccan meditations, channeling energy and such. My parents do not really adhere to religion, but they thought well she si in her room here at home, she should be fine. I brought demons down upon my bedroom so badly that when I came to Christ they started attacking me, and I was scared to sleep in my room. My brother was selling pot without my parents knowledge, he was smoking it too. It wasn't sex that was the problem. I never got asked to have sex with anyone in school. I did however hang out with wiccans, buddhists, and others who followed occult practices.
Kids can get in trouble in many other ways besides sex.
More comments
We want your comments! If you can read this, you don't have javascript enabled, so you can't use this comment system. Please enable javascript.